21 June 2008

FW: Jokes

(forwarded email)

1. A 95 year old man sucks his 90 year old wife's breast fro half and hour and drinks 2 drops of milk. POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE !!

2. Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His finger went to tease wife's pussy. Wife ask "you want sex"? Husband answer "No", just want to wet my finger to turn the page.

3. Rooster & Cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls into river. Rooster can't stop laughing. Moral of story? Whenever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

4. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant !! Which Male pencil is responsible? THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

5. Girls' reaction to penis sizes: 9" : Oh shit, pain ! 7" : Oh yes, shiok ! 6" : Ohhh, perfect ! 5" : Ohmm, Ok ! 4" : Push more ! 3" : Is it in? 2" : Idiot ! just use your tongue !

6. Thank you for calling 1900- NEEDSEX hotline. For hot sex press 1. For breast sex press 2. For combo sex press 3. For oral sex press 4. To end this call press your Balls !!

7. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! "YES".. OK, BYE". She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.

8. 3 Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay. Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!! Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!! Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

9. What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world? Answer : INTER COURSE. No matter how many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in !!

10. FACT : Women can get a 2 inch wide penis into a 1.5 inch vagina in pitchdark, but can't get a fucking 15 feet car into a 40ft parking space in broad daylight !!

11. Teacher asked : Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A kid name Johnny reply... the LEGS.. because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING....

12. COCK says to his two BALLS : I am going to take you with me to party. BALLS said : You fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE !!!

13. 3 Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi,.... I'm Peter, not a saint. I'm Paul not a POPE. I'm John not a Baptist... The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.

14. Q: Why do men have pubic hair? A: A nest for their bird... Q: Why do women have pubic hair? A: A resting place for the coming bird !!!

15. What does it mean when a girl offers PEPSI to a guy : P : Please E : Enter P : Penis S : Slowly I : Inside

16. 16. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time. Mistresses are Tomyams.. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently. WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!

17. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied : I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

18. A Girl who opens her hand receives gifts. Open her heart receives love. But when she opens her legs, she receives happiness.

11 June 2008

Happy

I have been running conscientiously for the past a week or two. Started out with 6 rounds...followed by 8...and now I am in my 10th..which is equivalent to about 3km or so. IPPT is over for the year so speed and timing is not my priority. I am concentrating more on proper techniques and not overstraining my limbs and joints. My aim is to maintain my fitness for now.

This year is what they call my 'hentak kaki' years. As some of you know, I am not up for promotion until the next 5 years or so even though I am already due because of some issues that I got myself entangled into. So be it.... The good news is, there has been some pay revision issues as well as changes in the pay ceiling...which means that even though I am stuck in my current rank (until god knows when) and my pay supposed to hentak already, I have still up to another 5 more increment. Great....but also not so great because....all the more I cannot quit my job!!!! Since I started working my pay has increased 700 bucks for the past 6 years and with 5 more increment to go....Wohoo! And there is more....will be getting my 6th year invest money and July bonus too. And if that is not enough, on top of the pay revision issues....it seems that we will be getting more money but I can't say how much as yet...Just have to wait until the money gets into my bank account. Ka-ching!

I am itching to take up a degree now. Although it is going to be useless for the fact that I am going to be stuck in my current career and that a degree isn't going to make any difference, I thought that it would be nice to kind of upgrade myself. A degree as it is does not seem to weigh a lot now, much less just a diploma. I will KIV this for now and decide on what degree I should take up...For now, settle into my house first...one thing at a time.

06 June 2008

Lucky Number 3

My younger brother is getting engaged this August. Mum says it is going to be only a year thing so I can expect wedding bells next year. That makes it 3 big weddings for me...my brother in law, my sister in law and my younger brother...and a very busy person...Nice...

05 June 2008

MC

I am on a day mc for backpain and runny nose. I think I overstrain myself while cleaning up the house. And the runny nose is because of all the dust in the house. I have a hyper sensitive nose...once it has been triggered, it will take a few days to recover.

The house is almost completed. I am kind of pissed off with the delay and the contractor. I was at the house yesterday to do some cleaning and he was there too. He asked me yesterday when I will be moving in. And I was thinking...pea brain...not yet ready how to move in. So I told him when the house is ready then I will move in lah. He then commented that the house is almost ready about 90% and I commented back...but not 100% what. Just because it's 90% completed doesn't mean that it is fit for me to shift over. My dad had told him to make sure everything is completed by next week. Until then, I am not paying him the balance till everything is completed.

I am getting used to wearing my hubby's pants to work. Well it's mine now. I am not going to return it to him. Afterall he has so many sets of uniform and he can easily indent for one. Ladies a little bit troublesome. We do not have ready made sets like them. We have to have it tailor made and it will take about 3 months before it is ready. I had already had one set made about 1 month ago I think. Somehow I have the feeling that I am not able to fit into it.

02 June 2008

Husband's pants

Yesterday, I wore my husband pants to work. : ) I had no choice...My one and only pants was torn...somewhere where the back pockets are. If I were to wear it...you can see my sexy butt! It's only about time actually. I have been wearing that uniform for about maybe 4 years or so. The colour have faded and the material is thinning. That is only set of uniform that I have been wearing because all the other sets that I made doesn't fit. Although my uniforms are tailor made, either the blouse or the pants doesn't fit me and I wonder why. So out of desperation, I had to dig out the blouse that I can fit into, and find a pair of pants to go with it..something of the same material and colour tone. And I managed to find my husband's! The waist line was a little big for me so I had to wear my pants low...And of course, being short, I had to mend the length too. It was weird wearing my uniform that way...It is baggy...meaning my butt is not sexy anymore!!!